This book had a profound effect on me when I read it many years ago. It is the heartbreaking true story of a fifteen-year- old boy who hung himself in the woods and his ability to communicate with his mother after his death. My first impression when I saw his picture is that he had indigo energy. Indigo ray children are so sensitive and aware that day-to-day life is often a struggle if their energy is not understood. Hilarion later told me "Indigos have a clearer memory of the other side." They don't want to hurt themselves or anyone else but they often just don't want to be here.
Stephen Reviews His Life And Death
"I thought about killing myself when I ran away the first time," Stephen explained. "Things had been real bad for me for months. You could tell from the note I left for you which said, among other things, "I don't feel like going on, life's not worth living." I just didn't have the courage to do it then. I had been reading a lot of literature on different oriental philosophies and suicide was considered an honorable death in many cultures. Perhaps, in certain cases it is, but I need to tell you this and hope you believe it. Suicide is never, ever, the correct decision for a young person. It wasn't for me, it isn't for any child. It's understandable in many cases, but it's never correct. Let me explain some general things before I continue with perspectives of my life and death.
My plan caused me to feel better, almost excited with something to plan for, something I could do and something I had control over. I had brought a rope along, not to hang myself especially, but I always brought a rope camping. I stood up on the tree and I had been indecisive about whether I'd do it or not. I'd been thinking about it for a long time. Now, that's the real danger stage, I've learned. If someone had been there to help me through that stage, I would not have killed myself. But, there was nobody there and I had made some pretty final choices.
Later, I discovered that even before I left my body, there were all kinds of beings around me- angels and guides- and they all helped me. At that time I couldn't see any. I had moments of real doubt and fear. Then I had some moments of real courage. My courage fought with my fear. There was a war on that tree. What I thought was that my courage won. What I see now, is that my fear won.
I asked God to stop me. I kind of expected God to step out of the woods and stop me. I waited and He didn't. First, I was going to jump. I stood up and it looked so far down it scared me. I started crying. So, I sat down. I kept trying to make myself do it and I couldn't. Then I forced myself and jumped. I died instantly. I did feel a moment of pain. I'm not going to tell you I didn't. There was a moment of blinding pain.
I felt like I was floating up. I was like an air bubble under the water. It felt like I had dived into the deep water and was coming up, but I could breathe in the water. I floated up out of my body and it felt like there was somebody at each elbow, but I couldn't see anybody. I looked around and there were kind of misty like forms, but I couldn't see them very clearly. I floated above my body. I could see this body hanging there by the neck.
When I realized it was me, panic took over. Instead of being excited that I was out of my body and was still alive and could see and think, I suddenly realized how mad you were going to be. I started to cry. I hurt so bad and my heart was pounding. I felt like I still had a body except that I wasn't touching the ground. I was suspended in the air somehow, without falling.
As I looked around, the forms around me began to become clearer. I saw Grandfather. I didn't even remember him except from his pictures and there he was. I saw a lot of people that I've only seen pictures of. I felt so much better. Then when I looked I could see my body hanging there. It gave me a terrible feeling each time I saw it. I didn't want to look at it. I knew it was my body, but it didn't look like my body. I had my body, it seemed. It was confusing.
Panic set in again. Then this cold feeling all over. Maybe I was going to throw up. Then I began to feel I was going to sleep. I just felt myself kind of moving upward and away and fell asleep. There was a lady there helping me, a sweet and kind lady dressed in white, who held my hand.
The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was daylight and I felt so good. I just felt wonderful. I looked around and there was a kind of a misty look everywhere. I said, "Am I dead? I am dead, aren't I? And she said, that's what they would say." Then I remembered the pain again and jumping off the tree.
I felt sick. I wished I could kill myself to stop hurting. Funny statement, huh? Here I am "dead" and wishing I could kill myself. Not so funny in this dimension, by the way. No matter how much you hurt or how bad you feel, you can't kill yourself here. I hated what I had done to you. I never realized how much I loved you and you loved me. I wanted to go back. I screamed at you, "Mom! Mom! I'm here! Look. I'm not dead! I'm here!"
I began to cry. I couldn't stop. I cried and cried it hurt so bad. I forgot that no one could even hear me. The lady could, though and said, "Steve, let's go." I said, "No! I want to stay."
What happens to the suicide is not much different from what happens to someone who dies of old age or in an accident. Your guides and angels are with you at the moment of death, usually helping your soul release from the body, just before you die. Usually, you can see your body when you leave it.
Here, in this dimension, we can access your dimension freely. You can't visit ours as easily because you have forgotten how. Most people don't trust anything they can't touch or see with their eyes. Our vibratory rate here is higher and faster, and you can't ordinarily see it with your eyes, but you can see it with your inner vision. You can hear it with your inner hearing. People don't trust that. They don't think it's real because it's not what they have been taught to believe. They forgot that they once knew how to use their sixth sense, their higher mind, at will.
Meditation is the gateway to the bridge between our dimensions. When you meditate regularly, the gate stands open most of the time, giving you free access. When you meditate sporadically, the gate must be opened each time. This makes more work for you and discourages you because it takes up most of your scheduled meditation time to reopen the gate. Your impatience often makes you stop when the gate doesn't budge easily.
Prayer is the road that leads to the gateway, across the bridge and beyond. Many people pray and pray for help and then get up and run about their business. They never stop to listen to the answer to their prayer. They wonder why no one hears and nothing changes in their lives. When you pray take equal time to listen. If you hear nothing at first, keep listening. Pray five minutes and listen fifteen is good advice. If you persevere you will learn to hear us. That's why meditation could be called the space in which prayer is answered. Meditation is listening to God speak, answer, comfort and love you.
This dimension isn't some heaven with angels floating around with wings and golden streets and clouds where you don't do anything but play your harp and wander around. How boring would that be? It's much harder in school here. When you're on earth you have a body, and you're very conscious of having a mind when you have to concentrate. Everything shifts one level here because you don't have a physical body. The mind becomes the body. The subconscious then becomes like the mind. The superconscious and the subconscious then have to be trained or worked with in a different way.
We have more access to what you call the "superconscious," though that's a limiting term, and to the subconscious mind. We have to exert and develop more control. We have to discipline ourselves more because we go where our thoughts go.
I want to tell you how it really is here emotionally. You know how bad your grief was when I died? My grief was like the combination of the grief of everybody in the family. I felt it all. I hadn't meant to hurt anyone. My thinking and planning were faulty but it wasn't my intent to hurt anyone. When I felt and saw each of you grieving, it was as if I were a sponge. I soaked it all up. I wanted to console each of you, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. Your grief and lack of attunement kept you from hearing me.
Suicide is so final. Once you do it, that's it. You can't change your mind. I tried hard to undo what I did. I tried to climb back into my body. The depression and agony I suffered when I realized I was dead. There was no going back and it was a hundred times worse than what I was feeling that made me kill myself. Besides, once you are out of your body and in this dimension, everything doesn't change and you never get over longing for your family or those you leave behind. Especially because you can see and hear them, but rarely can they see and hear you.
Since I've been on this side, I've been taught and instructed about suicide and my own choices. My helpers have shown me why suicide is never correct for young people. The reason I say "young," is because they have shown me, also, that suicide is sometimes a correct decision, under certain circumstances, for some adults. For instance; if the thinking is truly clear and things have have been planned out and thought through; if the person has accomplished their soul purpose; if it's not a cop-out to keep from doing what they came to do; if their own inner guidance is that suicide is the correct spiritual way for them to release. If there is no doubt that that it is for the very highest good for themselves or another; if it's done with much thought and prayer and not done in anger and vengeance. Lots of ifs.
The truth is, most deaths are are some form of suicide, either conscious or subconscious. It's really true, my helpers tell me. For instance, cancer is an acceptable form of death, whereas oftentimes it has been created or activated by the individual as a way to get out of circumstances they cannot tolerate, or becuase they have lost hope. This is not true for every case of cancer, of course, but for a great many. This is also often true for those with major terminal diseases. The diseases are not visited upon people by some unloving God. Diseases enter bodies where choices are being made many times as to whether the person wants to live or die. The person would never overtly take his own life, and an incurable disease is an acceptable way to release. How can anyone blame someone for dying of a disease they aren't respopnsible for? But, they are responsible. Emotion and stress left unattended, unhealed open the door to disease entering and viruses being activated.
Books like, "You Can Heal Your Life," by Louise Hay, "Who's The Matter With Me?" by Alice Steadman and Catherine Ponder's Dynamic Laws of Healing shed light on this for those interested in further understanding of themselves. Hundreds of "miraculous" healings occur when people change their thinking-choosing life instead of death. This very knowledge is the bridge in understanding suicides. The person who kills himself has taken a deliberate action to release from his body. Those who die from disease, or even from many accidents have done exactly the same, but do it in a more subtle or covert way. Some are aware they want to die and leave signs, hints and messages.
Others who die, "accidentily," whether through car wrecks, drug overdose, or some freak accident that is unexplainable, nevertheless have been instrumental in creating their own death. When they reach this side, they are able to view the whole experience and cannot then deny their own active role.
Many young children who drown or have accidents, voluntarily release from the body, subconsciously, or even consciously at times, for a higher purpose. They see and are instructed on the spiritual level, usually when asleep, that they cannot accomplish what they were born to do because of the situations around them. They become aware that they will be unable to change these situations. They see that, even when older they will be unable to fulfill their life's purpose because of the patterns being built in childhood.
Other souls enter knowing that they will only be in physical bodies for a period of time, because their early death can teach valuable lessons to the parents or those who remain. Others, experiencing diseases that will be fatal, know that their death may serve to save scores of other lives. Some children who are killed in various ways, come in knowing that their deaths may even affect public consciousness for the better. What is amazing, I have discovered is that the parents, in their higher consciousness while asleep and in other states of awareness, are also aware that the child will release long before their own death and are preparing for it- not consciously, though the rare parent is sometimes aware, but subconsciously.
Parents whose children drown, could spare themselves much guilt by knowing they did not cause the accident by looking away for a few moments. This is where there is confusion and controversy, for parents should always be watchful of their children so that they are protected in every possible way. But, if the child is part of a plan to teach, some accidents cannot be prevented no matter how careful the parents are.
Almost all deaths of children under twelve, and some even years older, are a part of the soul plan of the incarnating soul. They enter, most often, as teachers, to teach the adults around them, then release in various ways when they are finished. Crib deaths are not accidents as such but should be looked at for the lessons to be learned by the adults and the families remaining alive. Oftentimes, these very souls that leave at such a young age, reincarnate into the same family with the same parents at the next pregnancy.
Suicide of children is not part of a spiritual plan. This is taking the gift of life and destroying a great soul opportunity. There is a big difference. There is such a life force in a young person, that with visualization, holistic healing, changed diet, or whatever is best for their own particular healing, they can often get well, mentally and physically.
If they do die, it is almost always a part of their karmic, spiritual plan and many beautiful lessons can be learned by them and their families. Most young children who commit suicide take their lives in a moment of anger, depression, lack of hope or very unclear thinking or combinations of these. Intervention through counseling, or genuine caring by an older person or a concerned adult, can save a precious young life of promise. Such help can actually save and srengthen a whole incarnation for that soul. Taken a step further, can help that soul continue in growth and awareness until they are able to be of help to others.
Young children are old souls. They are growing in small bodies, but they are in consciousness every bit as mature as, or more mature than the adults around them. There is the soul part of them that is mature, that is not a child. When children die very young, their helpers and others on our side, work with them until they manifest that old soul quality, that maturity in spirit. To be more easily recognized, they may appear to those left behind as the young child they were, but they actually reach their soul maturity rather quickly.
Don't be concerned about how some will react when they read this. To those who will not open their minds to truth, nothing can be written to pry that closed mind ajar. But many who read what we are sharing with you will resonate to the truth in their hearts and it will bring them peace and understanding about their children who have died.
I look at my akashic records here whenever I want. I can see them just like watching movies, except I can become part of the experience when I want to get into the feelings more. I see now that I didn't see all the good things about myself. My thinking changed from wanting to show you and hurt you, to how free I would be dead, and how much I could do and help from the other side. I honestly didn't consider the finality of it all.
The few books out now about adolescent suicide each have parts of the puzzle, but not the whole clear picture. The picture is never whole without an understanding of life after death and what happens when the soul leaves the body. Without it, it's like going to a movie and the projector is shut off before the end. You have no idea what happens. There is always a slight questioning and wondering that is never fully resolved.
So many people wonder that if death isn't the end and their loved ones continue, why is it so hard to make contact with them. They also question why God keeps humankind from knowing about life after death and reincarnation. God doesn't; we do it to ourselves. We separate ourselves and believe what we are told, rather than what we feel intuitively and know within. The information is widely available.
